I'M THE WORLD CHAMPION OF VIDEOGAMES

So what happened.

Jts was bored and wanted to play something, he always wanted to play Maio Kart 8 but also wanted to wait for the last DLC and 200cc to show up to challenge me. Tonight he suggested a GRAND SLAM.

Smash Bros - Mario Kart 8 - Fifa 15 - PES 15

WINNER

TAKES

nothing because he didn't want to bet on anything

We only played on WiiU and PS4 because we're not stupid we're poor and don't have an XBONE.

First up, Super Smash Bros for WiiU

I can't remember what characters he chose. 3 matches, 2 minutes, change character every time, 3 - nil for me.

He disliked the game and he'll forever live in shame because it's a great game.

Next is Mario Kart 8.

4 tracks, who wins the Grand Prix wins. I'm Black Shy Guy to lure him into calling me bad words to get him disqualified but his Wario keeps his mouth shut.

Rainbow Road something, Excitebike Arena, Mario Circuit from SNES and uh, something else, that one with the piled up goombas.

He wins one race, probably the Excitebike Arena (GOAT track) and I take home the WIIU CHAMPION TROPHY.

Now he's a lost man, his love for everything that Kyoto poops out his lost. He has nothing inside, all those hours lost on Animal Crossing, crossdressing his avatar to please Linius... A single tear rolls down his cheek and reaches his mouth. Tastes like gin. And chicken.

"I'll put everything I have into the real next gen! Fuck Nintendo, after all I bought only 19 amiibos!"

It's FIFA15 time. Single match, because Fifa sucks.

I go with Inter. And I could end this part here. But no, I'll keep on because I'm an entertainer and this is what we do.

He chooses Porto. I can't even remember how many goals he scored. Icardi is just a 76 Overall, and Inter is no more. EDIT: Now I remember, I lost 4-3, like I did against Penny using Italy against Germany, and yes I nearly cried.

The grand slam starts crumbling, 2-1 for me, I start sweating, I haven't had luck with PES recently even with the bribe paid to Nathan's dog I got kicked from the tournament.

PES.

3 matches.

First up. Shitty teams. I've got this. He's dead.

Empoli vs. some bootleg Portuguese team.

Most boring match ever. nil nil.

Coming next, 4 stars teams.

He goes Porto, I once again go for the Queen of bottling. Napoli it is. "Higuain is strong" I think, "he'll solve this".

It's a Waterloo. I can't remember the order but he manages to climb back up and I'm down, 3-4, 85 minutes.

I remember Flabberghastly and his love for Rafa Benitez. Change the formation, 4-3-3, Insigne - Zapata - Gabbiadini. I score the equalizer, and you see, there's something here you should know. If you really like football, there's one thing you know about us. You never rule out the Italians. We might seem terrible but it's when we're ugly that we end up winning.

So yeah, 5-4, Jts starts calling out UEFA for giving 5 minutes of ET instead of the noted 3 but we all know Juventus are the thieves, right? Right.

Final round. International break, we all love when those 2 boring weeks come up and we all can curse the gods for having no interesting football on the telly. He wants to use France, which makes him a jerk, de facto. I want to give Balotelli a se.. a th... a chance so I go full Italy.

Hearing "Pogba" and having my cursor on De Rossi makes me weep. Oh my black stallion, why were you born in that shithole? Please come here, we won't hurt you baby. But he won't listen, and this is not the time for mercy.

Chiellini opens the match with a header.

Then France mounts back, 1-1.

Then I get a corner kick. And something happens. There's a spark of light in Pogba's eyes. He recognizes me. He remembers dreaming of winning the Champions League trophy in 2 months. His vision gets blurry, tears are a river on his face, the fans are shouting something, Chiellini is flying, interfering with a French defender, the ball keeps flying, touches Pogba's knee and the worst of lobs makes fun of Lloris.

Own goal. Italy is back on top. Secret Agent Pogba, your duty has been fulfilled but I still need that CL trophy please. 2-1.

JT manages to score the equalizer but the time is up. 2-2.

You never rule out the Italians. And I'm the king, sitting on my throne. He goes to bed, because he lives where the sun never shines and Pekka burns the gypsies. May the lord forgive him, he was a good guy even though he was kinda bad at Smash Bros.

This concludes the story. Say what you want, even Xbox One owners are welcome but please don't touch anything.